Reminder

Overall, Phoebe is doing beautifully. But every once in a while there are reminders that she is still fragile. Two this week--

While the girls were watching Big Bird in China for the first time, during a sentimental song of "I love you" and "Hello" in both English and Mandarin, I leaned down to find Phoebe's eyes brimming with tears. I snatched her into my arms and called Mark over, and Phoebe gently touched our faces and peaked into Mark's pocket as single tear rolled down her cheek. No more Big Bird in China for a while.

Then I made a major attachment error, and left the girls napping with my parents in the house while I jetted to the store, two hours after my folks arrived for a visit. Phoebe woke up too quickly from her nap, and was not happy to find no mama, no papa, no nanny-- just Grammy and Opa, whom she knows but not too well. What worried me was the reunion. I found little Phoebe on the couch with tear-streaked face, thumb in the mouth, eye looking down. As I came in the door there was no relief, no happiness. Just that frozen thumb-in-the-mouth pose that didn't change when I held her, hugged her, kissed her. She didn't look at me for a good five minutes, then warmed up into her usual smiles. But it shook me up a little. Five months into our life together, Phoebe is still clearly afraid of abandonment. She's not yet 100% convinced that we are forever.

On a happier note, Halloween was fun! Miranda, who talks like mad these days, learned the word "candy," which had somehow eluded her until now. Phoebe's a little chocolate monster, too! Thankfully they forgot all about leftovers by morning-- I'm sure we won't be that lucky in another year or two!